i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
