he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
be right there i have to get my cape
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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