I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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