I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My bed smells like the plague
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
