thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
