When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
