bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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