This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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