So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize