I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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