I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
