so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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