When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
