i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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