he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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