Kiss
Puke
please come you make the beer taste better
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
