My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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