I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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