im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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