Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
