I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
