I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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