I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
