You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Someone came in the potted fern
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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