I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
