Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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