you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
