I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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