just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
