We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
