I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
