do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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