85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
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Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
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Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...