We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
