woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.