when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We named our party play list daddy issues
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again