I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
