I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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