did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
FUCK WHALES
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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