Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life