My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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