He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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