Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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