So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
