I seem to have left my pride at pride
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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