forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
