Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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