The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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