My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
