I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
