we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
