when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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