I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
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this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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