Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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