the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
