apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
