that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
