and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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