Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
