she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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