I wish I could teleport
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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