Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
