I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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