it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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