since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
