Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
