I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just blew my weed a kiss
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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