dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
