I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
