Already got asked if we're dating
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
