when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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