i would punch a child for taco bell
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
