He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
