i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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