someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
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yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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