I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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