you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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