for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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