dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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