is your mom at the bar?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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