you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
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I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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