i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
