One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
did i walk over a car last night?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
