here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
