Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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