She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
