I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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