i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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