I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
