I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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