Do you still have your period?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize